Video : https://youtu.be/2Nd5JMRQF-A
This semester in my painting class, I have been given the freedom to experiment and to find my own style, voice or identity through art. I have been exploring non traditional materials such as wallpaper, doilies, fabric, embroidery and flowers I have dried myself. I’ve been Sewing, creating textures and exploring with mixed media. And this is an expression of my growth and journey of my own exploration in life and in art.
It’s absolutely exciting and stimulating. I get to be in my own little world and I get to do whatever I want. Its so much fun. Im just playing around and having the time of my life. Nothing makes me happier than painting. I love it so much. My heart is full and Im complete.
The fact that I can do whatever I want means so much to me. My whole art career, all my teachers and my professors have been trying to push me to explore other emotions like anger and hatred. But I’ve always been doing art that is full of flowers and full of love. Every art piece that I have, I give it my all. I want to give out hope, kindness and spread love in this world because that’s what the people need. There is too much evil and pain/suffering in this world and it is enough.
For a time, I challanged myself to channel my anger and my pain through my history. I was successful in embodying the emotions but I did not like what I see. I saw myself suffering and in pain. The process was extremely hard for me as well. I had to channel my past and relive all the pain. It was not good for me for it brought back my depression after I worked so hard in healing myself and in forgiving others. I have tried so hard to let go of those emotions but my making works in representation of those emotions made me relive it all.
I do not see the point in doing that. I’ve worked so hard to heal, forgive and to let go and grow from it. I do not want to
hold on to the agony for I will be the one suffering and trapped in that misery.I choose to let go and move on. Forgive and set yourself free. Thats the only way one can go on with life is to be at peace with themselves and set themselves free.
Since my art is so pretty, cute and crafy, some might think that I have had the easy life, that I haven’t experienced real challenges in life. But they are wrong, I have gone through hell and back. I have hit the rock bottom at suck a young age but I choose nottot hold any grudges in my heart.
I am so much more. And I do not have to prove that to anyone but myself. I am more than capable and I know it. I can make those kinds of art if I wanted to, If that is the art I want to express. But I will do it myself not because other people told me so.
But I choose not to. I have gone through so much. I have had my depression. I have cried every night. I have felt every pain. I’ve lost myself and I do not ever want to feel that pain again.
I’ve been through so much. and I have worked so hard to be where I am right now. It was such a process. It took so much time and effort to heal- and im still processing.
Just like Hilda Af Klint, I completely trust my painting process as my healing process. I use art to express. I do not plan or sketch out my paintings, but it spontaneously and instinctually.
My art, faith and my family is the reason why Im here right now. It is what have gotten me through my sufferings. I has given me hope and strength, and I want others to do the same. I want to provide hope for others, that things do get better and that you can get through this. They are not alone and I am a living proof that we can get through it.
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